Sunday, May 29, 2011

Remember when I got married?

Chicken Salad Sammich - not wedding related

This picture starts our great and gets funnier the longer you look at it

Too much rock for one hand!!!

My beautiful bride

I am not a crook!

I am a handsome devil

JUST KIDDING! GOT YOU!

Our rings, making out


I have photographic evidence!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

New High Impact Terms for Customer Service

Today I had the experience of hearing a very humorous verbiage/tone disparity. A rep was very forcefully and assertively saying things like "Let me be the one to serve you" and "I am here to help you and address your problems."

The customer was basically full of nonsense and trying to get help from departments that could not even begin to help her. But the tone/word dichotomy made me laugh and it made me think of something even, I think, funnier.

I propose implementing extremely forceful and aggressive terminology delivered in an ultra-saccharine easy-lsitening tone of voice.  How would you feel hearing the following phrases poured like sweet syrup into your ears?

"Let me be the one to obliterate your problems."

"I will help you get into contact with the best person to annihilate this complaint."

"My role in the organization is to terminate issues that cause customer dissatisfaction and lead witch hunts against customer roadblocks."

"I will beat the living Hell out of this fulfillment shortage for you."

I am considering writing a book.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Now that I'm a grown up I am mature.

"I love you with all my heart."

"That's not that big of an organ, I love you with all of my liver."

"Well I love you with all of my hair."

"I love you with all the acid in my stomach."

"That's kind of gross, I love you with all of my skin."

"I love you with all the blood in my veins."

"Okay, ew."

"I love you with all the poop in my butt."

"EW."

"And it's a lot.'

"EW. STOP!"

"I haven't gone in 2 days."

"You are SO GROSS."

She leaves the room. Now I have the couch to myself to watch Dexter!.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

A thought

Have I come up with the best band name of all time?

I think so!

"Side Project"

Now if only I had a band.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Forbidden

I have been explicitly forbidden to blog the following picture:

FORBIDDEN

Pictures forthcoming

I'd like to tell you about how I got angry at my walls.



You see, they would not tell me the things I wanted to know, about the secrets they were concealing.

Water infiltration was being concealed, certainly, but most importantly, what I needed to know was how much window my wall was begging for.



We are replacing an existing bay window with a combination picture unit. This is about as complicated  as it gets for average homeowners.to top it off the existing bay is a really old Pella unit attached with an outmoded angle style frame- and the drywall return had metal sheathing that was well beyond the ability of my little handsaw to cut. I have had to do some guesswork (hopework?) to figure out how wide, exactly the studs in my home are.

"Shouldn't they just be 18" on center? Isn't your house to code?" I hear you say.

My response to you is soundless weeping.

For the vertical I was able to find the sill support (which I pray has jack-studs) and (phew) the header. there was a real concern this house would not have headers over the windows- they weren't code back in 1910 when this house was built. I had to punish the drywal for a while to find it- but low and behold sweet sweet 2x4 where I needed it to be and no visible degradation. We'll know more when the siding itself comes off.

Note the sweet custom bookshelves!

The front room was much easier to measure and as an added bonus moving the furniture here exposed 6 cat toys. This is where the fake mice go to escape our tiny predators.

Speaking of the siding coming off- our project begins in 3 weeks! June 6 or 7th is the day, and the 6th happens to be D-Day as you all know! Also, it's my anniversary. Time to completion is estimated at two weeks from start!

Lastly here is a few pictures of our cats making out. Totem! She is old enough to be your mother!




































And this potato chip is HUGE. Blizzard authenticator for size reference. THREE BITES! I was blown away.