Corporations Making Things Happen

This is the kind of thing that annoys me about corporate culture:


From: Tania Scutte
To: James Hogan

Mr. Hogan,

Our internal communications team would like to leverage you. Can you please contact me about your availability.

Sincerely,
Tania Schutte

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From:  James Hogan

To:: Tania Schutte

Tania,

I would prefer not the be leveraged, and if being leveraged becomes a work requirement I will seek resolution with Human Resources and outside legal aid if required. I categorically reject the use of any force-multiplying simple machines on my person. I would point out that I can move about the office premises full well under my own power and any tom-foolery with a lever could result in my injury or death.

Thank you,

-JB

P.S. Pella City ordinance 101.3B states that any person becoming dead are required by law to remain so. This is just an FYI.


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From: Tania Scutte

To: James Hogan

Mr Hogan,

What we are requesting is to resource you to generate some lyrical content for a internally based training opportunity. Your name was submitted through the customer service team inter-departmental coordination channel as being a possible internal sourcing for creative content to use in customer service training videos.

Thank you,

Tania

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From:  James Hogan

To:: Tania Schutte

Tania,

Are you asking me to write a song about customer service? Will it be a rap song?

I need you to submit your request in that verbiage if this is the case.

Thank you,

-JB

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From: Tania Schutte

To: James Hogan

Mr Hogan,

Yes that is correct. Will you write a 3-4 verse rap about customer service for our training program?

Thank you,

Tania

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From:  James Hogan

To:: Tania Schutte

Absolutely not.