Corporations Making Things Happen

This is the kind of thing that annoys me about corporate culture:


From: Tania Scutte
To: James Hogan

Mr. Hogan,

Our internal communications team would like to leverage you. Can you please contact me about your availability.

Sincerely,
Tania Schutte

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From:  James Hogan

To:: Tania Schutte

Tania,

I would prefer not the be leveraged, and if being leveraged becomes a work requirement I will seek resolution with Human Resources and outside legal aid if required. I categorically reject the use of any force-multiplying simple machines on my person. I would point out that I can move about the office premises full well under my own power and any tom-foolery with a lever could result in my injury or death.

Thank you,

-JB

P.S. Pella City ordinance 101.3B states that any person becoming dead are required by law to remain so. This is just an FYI.


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From: Tania Scutte

To: James Hogan

Mr Hogan,

What we are requesting is to resource you to generate some lyrical content for a internally based training opportunity. Your name was submitted through the customer service team inter-departmental coordination channel as being a possible internal sourcing for creative content to use in customer service training videos.

Thank you,

Tania

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From:  James Hogan

To:: Tania Schutte

Tania,

Are you asking me to write a song about customer service? Will it be a rap song?

I need you to submit your request in that verbiage if this is the case.

Thank you,

-JB

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From: Tania Schutte

To: James Hogan

Mr Hogan,

Yes that is correct. Will you write a 3-4 verse rap about customer service for our training program?

Thank you,

Tania

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From:  James Hogan

To:: Tania Schutte

Absolutely not.

You people

Due to outside pressure I will force myself to begin new posts occasionally. I may even finish and subsequently post them Thank you all for making something that initially seemed fun and turned out to be work, into work that I am also obligated to do. Work that I can safely ignore is one of my few life pleasures, but I can see that You People are hellbent on denying this small creature comfort to me.

Villians.

My next post will be the promised expose' on my retarded dog, Athena Boofdog Psychosnout. Pics will be included as our new camera has arrived. I hope you enjoy it, because I will not be doing so.

The Lovecraft tribute will be shelved until it is completed and then set up to post in "real time" under a different blog, as an "art piece". I pla on hyping it on some of the more credulous paranormal enthusiast forums and message boards and see if maybe a few people will be along for the ride. Orson Welles pulled it off- and he was fat.